It’s Ok to Not Be Ok
Travel life is exciting, exhilarating, and constantly adventurous and sometimes it's just hard. Being an entrepreneur is incredible on paper - no boss, make your own hours (spoiler alert they're about 16-hour days on top of the money-making job you need to survive), and doing what you love! But it's HARD! And sometimes life gets in the way, punches you around a bit, and after hearing "it can only go up from here" about 20 times, punches you some more and then it gets REALLY HARD! But one thing that I struggle with most when things get like this...admitting it's hard. I can step back and get perspective and see that things could be WAY worse, I know I'm blessed, I've done some incredible things, and overall life is ok. But sometimes it's ok to not be ok. It's ok to admit you're drowning, can't stop crying, hibernate and just not be ok for a bit. The world is full of negativity and I love to keep things positive and try to be inspirational so what do you do when things just feel crappy? I've learned being honest seems to be the answer. So, in the spirit of being honest, sometimes I'm not ok.
Three years ago I started Monica Goes and I wouldn't take one second or one adventure back. Every adventure has taught me something and been a blast. It's been this crazy life-altering, awesome, dream-chasing experience. I know in my BONES that it's what I want to do with my life and I've already decided that nothing will stop me. But this last year has for sure pushed me to see how tenacious about this I really am.
As most of you know, this last year I went through a pretty crazy divorce, sprained my ankle, and have financially been wiped. I've had to ask for help and get REALLY real about my life. I've learned to take the lessons from all of this and persevere; do some epic things throughout whatever was happening in my personal life and pursue every opportunity to chase this dream career. But for all of the weirdness that was 2017, January decided to take it one step further. In ONE DAY I learned my dream job was a bit of a scam and I didn't get it, had a friends memorial, my dog ate a chocolate donut and had to be rushed to the vet E.R. and the guy I'd been dating on and off for almost a year, who was supposed to be my best friend, left my keys under my mat and ghosted me. Two days later and a few glasses of wine in, a neighbor came to pray with me that peace would come soon and things would slow down for a minute...5 minutes later I got the call that my grandpa died. Throw in a few other hiccups and man has this year has started out tough!
So why do I write about this, my intention is surely not to complain or whine. But I read an article that hit home yesterday. Sometimes it's ok to not be ok. As much as I want to inspire people and put positivity into the world I also don't want to pretend to be something I'm not; even if for the moment, that's being "not ok". In the article, it talked about gratitude journals and how while wonderful, sometimes they just don't help spin things around. While I DO think it's super important to put things in perspective (things could always be worse and there's SO much to be grateful for), I think it's also ok to just BE where you are. Sometimes you need to let it out and be angry or sad instead of trying to pretend you're ok.
I am a very positive and faithful person and I truly believe everything happens for a reason. I know that I am loved and ok. I can step back and see that while it may not make sense now, someday it will. And I'm still smiling and enjoying my days and my adventures. But I'm also learning to accept my emotions for what they are. Getting frustrated with myself that I can't just "suck it up and be happy" or "put it in perspective" when all I want to do is cry, doesn't help. It only makes me feel like I'm letting myself and everyone around me down. Sometimes the best thing you can do is laugh if you feel like laughing, cry if you feel like crying, and scream if you feel like screaming. Know it's only for a season, accept it for what it is, grab onto the damn rollercoaster and go for the ride.
