“I Don’t Want to Get Pregnant After my Miscarriage”

Many of you who have been following our journey on social media know that back in January, at 9 1/2 weeks pregnant, I had a miscarriage. I thought once the physical side of things had passed, the hormones, thoughts, and emotions would follow. I thought I would feel “normal” again soon. But the anxiety, sadness, and anger seemed to pop up randomly months later. I didn’t feel the emotions and sentiments that I kept reading about from other women who had gone through a miscarriage and the support groups were full of mourning women who wanted nothing more than to be a mother asap. I kept wondering what was wrong with me.

The other night I googled “Not wanting to get pregnant after a miscarriage” and article after article came up about how “You no longer need to wait to try again!” And “After two weeks, you can become pregnant again!” And “You’re more fertile than ever immediately after a miscarriage!” Finally, after scrolling through page one of Google results and beginning page two, I saw an article titled “After a miscarriage, will I ever find the bravery to try to get pregnant again?” and I FINALLY felt understood.

In the article, the author explained that this didn’t mean she didn’t want a child anymore, it simply meant she didn’t want to be PREGNANT again. I felt this to my core and it helped to realize I might not be alone in all of this! We weren’t telling people that we were trying for a baby so it felt like this wonderful miraculous secret to reveal to people when I was pregnant. Now, I felt like everyone was looking at me like “Now that we know you want a kid, when are you going to get knocked up again?”. But I struggled when we first found out we were pregnant. I was beyond elated but also had to navigate the mental gymnastics that I was going to be a mom, that my career path and life path were changing. I didn’t feel like myself and I struggled with every pound I put on and every event that I canceled around my due date.